I am having one of those days. . .

In which I spend my whole day hating what I do for a living. Really, I hate my job today.

I'm lucky in the fact that a) I still have a job and b)I don't think that I'll get fired any time soon but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's starting to make me miserable.

I'm doing more of the same admin work that I have done for the last three years with the exception of now doing accounting work.

I am not cut out for accounting work. I don't like it. It's tedious and boring and I think I am going to start going crazy. I'm sure I'll calm down in a little while but it's just that, for today, I really don't like what I do.

I know, I know I could just get in line with everyone else but I really don't what to do something that I don't like doing.

A couple of years ago, I worked at an architecture firm and I didn't have much to do as a receptionist there. I was miserable and although, that was a long time ago, I remember what it felt like and I'm starting to have deja vu.

I love everyone I work with, but I hate doing admin work. It's just not that creative, fulfilling. I am so sick of taking care of the "bitch" things. . .

Okay, now I'm done with my pity party (for now).

I am coming apart a little at my seams. . .

Since Sunday, certain aspects of my life have fallen a bit apart.

It started on Saturday actually but I didn't know about it then. My dad called me and I didn't pick up because I didn't feel like talking to anyone. It turns out he was calling for an important reason.

My grandfather who has had various forms of cancer for the last 6 years or so landed himself in the hospital because he has fluid on his lungs. Most people assume that I am upset over this because we are close, he was a good grandfather, it's sad, etc. . . but really?

My grandfather was not ideal but he was mysterious, his love for me, my sister, my dad and my mom was always obvious although not the kind of ideal love one hopes for. But he means an awful lot to me despite this. He was mostly not an ideal father to my dad's brothers and sisters. Now, not an ideal grandfather to my cousins. When he finally passes away the proverbial prodigial grandfather/father shit is going to hit the fan.

Why?

An example:
My grandpa lead such a double life that he has been married for 39 years (all of my life, most of my father's) to a woman we've just met. Actually, my uncle discovered their marriage on accident via the ever present, all knowning internet.

I was so excited when two of my besties from high school moved up here but now I feel like it's just all going to complete shit.

We don't even just hang out with each other like I do with everyone else. I threw it out there to open up the lines of communication and one of my besties admitted that she really felt like we are growing apart and that our friendship needs some fixing.

I am really grateful for her honesty but it was hurtful to read it. And now that some time has passed it, I am starting to feel really hurt. Just hurt.

And then the other one has promised me she'll get back to me but I just don't believe her because she promised we start getting lunch together, she's ignored me before when I have asked her to open up, she never really talks to me about anything of importance . . . maybe that relationship is just doomed and I have to come to terms with it.

For some many years my high schools and I bragged about how lucky we are because after all these years the group chemistry is still the same, we are still good friends for better or for worse, we have the best time together, we've overcome living in different cities, parts of the country . . . and maybe we didn't. Maybe all it took was for a couple of us to live in the same city and it falls apart.

Maybe it's just me.

There are a thousand possibilities for reasons of why I feel this way or how it happened and none of them make me feel better.

I'll stitch myself back together- sew the seams together- in a little while. I always do. . .

New Fav Tv Show: Castle (It's awesome)

I'm a big fan of Abc (I watch GA, Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, Private Practice), so for the last couple of weeks I had seen previews for the new show: Castle.

I was pretty excited from the get go because I love murder mystery shows (Law and Order- I'll watch all day marathon, Monk, Psych . . .) and novels (James Patterson, Tana French, Janet Evanovich) and this television combines the two.

Richard Castle is a playboy bestselling crime mystery novelist who gets called into the police station during his book release party because there seems to be a murder on the loose copycating the crimes from his books.

Enter the gorgeous Stana Katic, known on the show as Detective Beckett, she takes Castle down to the police station and he instantly starts flirting with her and their chemistry is palatable. Castle is intrigued with the case because he's gotten bored with his bestselling life and it turns out that Beckett is actually a fan of his work although she tries hard to fall for his flirting because she can tell he's mostly full of shit. Throughout the debut show Castle annoyingly edges his way into the crime investigation and ends up helping to solve the case (I know that was a quick wrap up).

Detective Beckett thinks she is finally free of him until he shows up at the end of the episode. The mayor of New York (where the show takes place) has insisted on Castle accompanying Detective because she has become his new main character.

The show is well written, the chemistry between the leads is fun and exciting, and the premise had me hooked already bottom of the line- watch Castle!

If you are fascinated by secrets . . .

Head over to Crazy Days and Nights-> click here.

I am not doing work, instead I am refreshing and refreshing because these secrets/confessions/lies fascinate me.

I'm not even sure if they are true but if they are . . .

It's astounding to me what other people to do each other and the repercussions that follow. Like neverending ripples. . .

Great Internet Find via Daily Candy: Leviticus Jewelry

I am a big fan and subscriber to Daily Candy and about a week or so I got an email in my inbox about a fabulous, unique, and a little bit out there jewelry company. It's name is Leviticus Jewelry.

My taste and style in clothes, handbags, shoes, and jewelry leans toward a bit out of there because I like things that are extremely unusual and are statement pieces. Leviticus Jewelry is perfectly up my alley.

This is one necklace that almost had me sold:


Until I saw the Love Letter necklace:





I love how multiple chains gather at one side and there is an unexpected sweet surprise to the necklace's design.

The absolutely best part? It is completely afforable!!

New Fav. Song: Amber Rubarth: In the Creases

A song that creeps into your mind and never quite leaves. . .

"In the Creases”

You’re the smell of the toast that you made in the mornings.
You’re the page in my book that I keep to myself.
You’re the unlocking sound when I turn my door key.
You’re the scar that I have from the time that I fell.
I can’t describe the faces.
I can’t recall the names.
But you remain..

I keep you in the creases.
I hide you in the folds.
Protect you from the sunlight.
Shield you from the cold.
Everybody said they were glad to see you go.
But no one ever has to know.

You’re the part of the moon that blends into the blackness.
Even though we know it’s really still there.
You’re the song that I sing and I don’t need to practice.
You’re the green shirt I keep though it’s too small to wear.
I can’t describe the faces.
I can’t recall the names.
But you remain..

I keep you in the creases.
I hide you in the folds.
Protect you from the sunlight.
Shield you from the cold.
Everybody said they were glad to see you go.
But no one ever has to
No one ever has to know the things that I refuse to see
And all the nights I still can’t sleep.
I curl up in the sheets
Between the creases where you used to be.

Once love wakes it never sleeps…
Even when you love a dream….

Book Review: Into the Woods

Occassionally, I don't do anything on weekend day or weekday night but finish a book I've been reading.

This Sunday, I was a hundred or so pages into: Into the Woods by Tana French, when I unconsciously decided to complete it. I spent about 7 hours reading and it was glorious.

Into the Woods takes place in Dublin and sets the stage by telling the reader about a mystery event that happened in the woods.

One summer day three children entered the woods and only one was found alive, traumatized, with blood soaked sneakers unable to recall the events before he was found.

Fast forward several years later and the found child, going by the name Robert Ryan, has become a dectective on Dublin's Murder squad and by some unlucky coincidence- takes on a case originated out of the very same wood.

The double who-dun-its kept me reading as much as Robert Ryan's relationship with his partner, Cassie. They have a brother-sister relationship that goes deeper than most siblings and yet has a bit of edge to it.

There is also an overwhelming sense of foreboding throughout the whole novel, a sense of Dectective Ryan's life unraveling that also strung me along and in the end, I felt a sense of reading this novel before. Because the hero, or anti-hero, reminded me of Great Gatsby's Nick Carraway and The Catcher in the Rye's Holden Caulfield- some Irish modern day version because as Ryan tells you in the very beginning- he lies.

Rec:

Although at times I found French's writing/description a bit wordy or too hard to follow occassionally (there are others that may disagree because sometimes I like it when an author tells a bit more than show, show, show), I highly recommend this novel if you enjoy intense mysteries with complex characters. French writes in haunting prose that provokes the reader to really think about what they are reading while simultaneously engrossing them in the novel's proceedings.

To read more reviews:

By Presenting Lenore
Another blogger review