The Fissures of Moving On

As I wrote before, the I Wrote This For You is a profound and beautiful blog and this entry reminded me of myself about two years ago.

My ex boyfriend, L, and I had been broken up for a couple of months and I found that although I was working on moving on, I had started a new job, I was dating (all things that are a recipe to heal a broken heart), small thoughts about him would creep into my head randomly all day long.

I would be getting tea for breakfast at work and I would remember that his favorite is chamomile.

I would cleaning out the dirt underneath my nails and remember that he'd comment on them.

It was as if I was rebuilding my foundation, a life without L, and yet these small insignificant thoughts caused fissures in the cracks of cement that was the material of my reconstruction. I realize now that it meant I hadn't fully moved on but it was haunting none the less.

New Favorite Blog: I Wrote This For You

I am one of the many, many people that belong to facebook and one day I was looking at a friend's page and she had a link on her profile page.

I clicked and fell in love with: I Wrote This For You/Please Find This.

It is a heartbreakingly beautiful and profound blog.

Some of my favorite posts that say it better than I wrote for the links:

When you love you care, when you hate you care, indifference means you don't care

When you don't want to move on because it does not seem to be possibility

For when you've broken up with an ex that you still love

What it's like when someone else can find you

If you have forgotten what it's like to feel deeply about someone, go there and you'll remember.

If you don't want to feel alone in your pain, go there.

If you want to be moved, go there.

If you want to remember how someone used to feel strongly about you, go there.

And if you are lucky enough to have someone who loves you and cares for you deeply, go there to live further in the moment.

On a Semi-Wild Goose Chase

I thought I had blogged about my Thanksgiving trip down to Portland but I never did. I think there is a draft or two about it but I never published it.

Now, I'll have to at some point in time because that one weekend down Portland, particularly that Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, has led me (in a small part) to Portland this weekend- right now.

Currently, I am blogging and working on my *novel* at Stumptown (there are a couple of locations in Seattle and one in the Pearl District or the Pearl as most Portlanders call it- which is where I am right now) which means I am also sitting across the street from the place that B works at.

To sum up the Thanksgiving trip- one of my besties and I drove down to Portland for Thanksgiving instead of going home to San Diego because P has family down here. On the night we drove down we decided that we wanted to go out and party.

After going to Kells and Dirty, we had to go to one more bar before we went home. It was dive and perfect for the two of us.

We ended up at Ash St. Saloon and this is where I met B.

P and I were up at the bar talking and a drunk started to talk to us and not leave us alone, so B and his friend decided to play the part of our saviors and came over from the pinball machines to talk to us.

Long detailed story (that I would normally tell) short- I took him home to P's Aunt's house (don't worry it was just me and P staying there that night) and we hooked up but without sex.

It was one of the most fun and best times I've had.

He makes comments about wanting to hang out the next day, Thanksgiving, I'm hesitant. I drop him off at home and then never see him again despite thinking about him constantly since then.

Until a weekend in January when I last minute crash my roomie's Portland trip, a lot of stupidity and embarrassment ensues trying to find B (details for another post), and then I am 99% sure that I saw him Sunday morning when we did a lap in front of his bar.

But I didn't go in and say hi.

I regret that badly.

Because now I'm here across the street from his workplace looking damn cute and I don't think he's working. . .

I think that if I don't see him tonight or tomorrow then I will have to permanently call off this semi-wild goose chase. . .

I always hope, believe, desperately want some crazy story like this to work out. To be an exception.

Seattle 5K (3.1 mi): Love 'Em or Leave 'Em Valentine's Day Dash, 2-8-09

I'm training for this half marathon in March and last week when I was talking about my training (I did 4.6 miles at the gym yesterday- hooray!), one of my friends (that I recently got back in touch with) mentioned the Greenlake Valentine's Day Love 'Em or Leave 'Em Day Dash.

Since I need to work on my outdoor portion of the half marathon training, I am going to sign up and the long sleeve shirts they give out are pretty darn cute. I always love free clothes!

I thought I would share the details of the event:

Sunday, 2/8/09, Starts at 8 am
$25 for registration before the day of the dash (up to the 2/7/09 and includes the shirt)
$35 for day of the dash
You can register online or in person

Here's the link to the site for registration, course detail, and information.

Barack and Michelle's First Dance!

History in the making: Barack Obama's Inauguration

8:58 am: One down, one to go! We have our VP!!!! I really like his blue tie.

8:59 am: I am glued to my computer screen- good thing that's where I do my work!

9 am: This composition is really pretty.

9:05 am: Barack is swearing on Lincoln's bible with Michelle holding it!! I'm getting chills!!

YAY!!!!!! WE HAVE OUR NEW PRESIDENT!!!!

HOW CUTE IS OUR NEW FIRST FAMILY???

I LOVE WHAT MICHELLE IS WEARING!

9:08 am: So far, his speech is very appropriate and he thanks Bush!

9:09 am: He's being realistic about the hard times ahead. Health care, energy crisis, education.

9:10 am: He's taking ownership about our challenges! Hope over fear!

9:11 am: As needed, and discussed by politicos, he's bringing us together and talking about how greatness must be earned.

9:19 am: He's blending our religions and cultures! Hope for the lines of hatred to pass :), oh he makes me want to cry!! My eyes are tearing up.

9:27 am: I have chills all over my body.

9:27 am: Elizabeth Alexander reads her poem.

9:31 am: She's talking about love!!

9:37 am: I love this color and action speech for the benediction. That was the best part- white man will do right.

9:42 am: The speech was a combination of John Kennedy and who?

Support a Washington Artist: Love, Natalie

If you're looking for adorable and affordable baby onesie gifts, diaper bags, play mats that will be unique, handmade, and long lasting then you NEED to visit Natalie Carr of Love, Natalie's blog and her fabu Etsy shop.

In this time of the economy downturn (I know we all hear that everywhere we go), I think it's great to support local artists and get back to the simpler things. It's hard to ignor someone like Natalie who is a true budding talent.