Breakups by Zodiac Sign

So today is kind of going to be shot to sh-t at work because I don't really have anything to do. I have small projects to work on but that's about it. I really hate being bored at work. I prefer to be overwhelming busy.

Anyway, since the cats are away, I am going to be a mouse and play all day on the wonderful, wonderful internet. I found out how to best cope with a breakup based on my Zodiac sign via a link on msn.com.

Not that I have any man to break up with or not that there is any breaking up going on. But anywho, since I am a cusp baby (born on a cut off date)- here are my two ways of dealing with a break up:

Gemini
You love normalcy, but pretending nothing happened does not make things normal. You can multitask by reorganizing photo albums and removing the pictures with the ex - shredding of said pictures is optional. Friends of Gemini: your friend will be momentarily hysterical and then act like you're crazy if you think she's upset. It depends on which personality is in charge that day.

Cancer
The best therapy for an angry Cancer is to show your ex and yourself that life goes on! Going out on the party circuit and feeling available will quell that anger and create new reasons to be sentimental. Friends of Cancer: take your friend out to a fun place where you all can cut loose - within reason.

I have definitely gone the Gemini route before and immediately took down/got rid of all photographs (they are kept in a hot pink shoe box in my closet). Interesting.

The Fissures of Moving On

As I wrote before, the I Wrote This For You is a profound and beautiful blog and this entry reminded me of myself about two years ago.

My ex boyfriend, L, and I had been broken up for a couple of months and I found that although I was working on moving on, I had started a new job, I was dating (all things that are a recipe to heal a broken heart), small thoughts about him would creep into my head randomly all day long.

I would be getting tea for breakfast at work and I would remember that his favorite is chamomile.

I would cleaning out the dirt underneath my nails and remember that he'd comment on them.

It was as if I was rebuilding my foundation, a life without L, and yet these small insignificant thoughts caused fissures in the cracks of cement that was the material of my reconstruction. I realize now that it meant I hadn't fully moved on but it was haunting none the less.

On a Semi-Wild Goose Chase

I thought I had blogged about my Thanksgiving trip down to Portland but I never did. I think there is a draft or two about it but I never published it.

Now, I'll have to at some point in time because that one weekend down Portland, particularly that Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, has led me (in a small part) to Portland this weekend- right now.

Currently, I am blogging and working on my *novel* at Stumptown (there are a couple of locations in Seattle and one in the Pearl District or the Pearl as most Portlanders call it- which is where I am right now) which means I am also sitting across the street from the place that B works at.

To sum up the Thanksgiving trip- one of my besties and I drove down to Portland for Thanksgiving instead of going home to San Diego because P has family down here. On the night we drove down we decided that we wanted to go out and party.

After going to Kells and Dirty, we had to go to one more bar before we went home. It was dive and perfect for the two of us.

We ended up at Ash St. Saloon and this is where I met B.

P and I were up at the bar talking and a drunk started to talk to us and not leave us alone, so B and his friend decided to play the part of our saviors and came over from the pinball machines to talk to us.

Long detailed story (that I would normally tell) short- I took him home to P's Aunt's house (don't worry it was just me and P staying there that night) and we hooked up but without sex.

It was one of the most fun and best times I've had.

He makes comments about wanting to hang out the next day, Thanksgiving, I'm hesitant. I drop him off at home and then never see him again despite thinking about him constantly since then.

Until a weekend in January when I last minute crash my roomie's Portland trip, a lot of stupidity and embarrassment ensues trying to find B (details for another post), and then I am 99% sure that I saw him Sunday morning when we did a lap in front of his bar.

But I didn't go in and say hi.

I regret that badly.

Because now I'm here across the street from his workplace looking damn cute and I don't think he's working. . .

I think that if I don't see him tonight or tomorrow then I will have to permanently call off this semi-wild goose chase. . .

I always hope, believe, desperately want some crazy story like this to work out. To be an exception.

Rant: Online Dating and the Guy Who Wants Me to Pass Tests

As I've said before, currently I'm single as can be. In an effort to be open minded and a need to be kept busy, I signed up for a free online dating site, Plenty of Fish.

For the first couple of weeks, it's been the same as when I was on Match - older guys (like much older guys- about at 15 year age difference or so) and not my type/unattractive guys are the ones that continue to email or wink, etc. This time around, I tried to be more active and send a couple of emails- those didn't go anywhere. So, I didn't go online for a couple of weeks and then I was excited when I got an email from Mr. Tests.

It was creative and different, this was his opener:

"After a rigorous brief overview of your profile I wanted to let you know that I have already married and divorced you in my mind. :)

Thanks for all the wonderful memories…you will always have a special place in my heart.

Your ex-hubby,

PS. I am going to need half of your money according to our prenup. :)"

I responded with this:

"Our wedding was truly one of the most beautiful weddings that I've ever been to. The pictures turned out great, there were no embarrassing speeches, the families didn't fight; it was a day that I'll always fondly remember.

Although, my favorite part was our honeymoon in Europe.

With affection- your ex-wife,

P.S. I'll be sending the check for $2.83 (my half that is left over after the costly divorce fees) later this week :)."

So far, so good. I'm laughing and having a whole lot of fun. This is when the "tests" came into play:

"Europe was awesome wasn't it? Wait, do you still have that sexy outfit, the one you wore with the heels? :)

That reminds me, OMG I just read this today in a girlie magazine. Would you rather…have an amazing singing voice but never be famous, or be famous with a crappy voice, and that’s what you were famous for?

be invisible, or be able to fly?

have one year of amazing, toe-curling, neighbor-calling-911 sex and the next year of no sex, or would you rather have two years of so-so sex?

Good luck :)"

I still liked where our conversations are going but I am getting a bit wary. After I responded, he sent this (confirming that those questions were did a test):

"you passed...barely. JK :) I actually picked 1 year of mind-blowing,toe curling, 911-calling sex because you do that the first year and the second year you can just use your hand and great memories. ;)

Flight because the freedom would be awesome. Invisibily, I dunno. I just dont have trust issues. :)

I'm going to say read minds, Fiji and Making it All Work by David Allen

The real question is do you like Lost and tacos and good
company?"

I'm thinking that is going well and progressing- he may ACTUALLY ask me out on a date and then I get this in my inbox this morning:

"you passed the test...barely :) j/k you are a quite clever. I like that. Well you scored an invite to come to my Taco Soiree. We have so much fun! Shoot me over your # and I’ll txt you the details. Plus you get these bonuses:a new joke my
nephew taught me today and we get to become txt buddies :)wow how lucky are you?!?!? "

Not only, have I had to pass "tests" but now I'm going to be lucky that he texts me. . . I hope this is a sarcastic use of the word.

The kicker is that I have a feeling the Taco Soiree will be with a bunch of his friends (I love meeting the friends but AFTER I've met you), another test. . .

Despite those reservations, I did give out my digits.

I'll let you know what his nephew's joke is.

Tara & Bella: Animal Besties for Life!

I've been a consistent reader of Dooce and I religiously read Lainey Gossip, so when both sites that contain extremely different kinds of content (a woman's life vs. celebrity gossip), posted these flights within a week of each other, I had to post this extraordinary video as well.

I never knew that elephants had best friends for life!

Another Reason Why I like Anne Hathaway aka Quote of the Day

I'm a big fan of quotes as you read about here and here.

So when I came across this quote from Anne Hathaway (btw- who I think is one of the best actresses from my generation AND managed to transition from the Princess and Ella Enchanted movies successfully to mature adult fils as we are watching Dakota Fanning do the same- makes me happy to see successful actresses!) and I just had to post it:

"I was talking with someone the other day about the whole idea of kissing frogs," she tells USA Today. "You're told you've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. But what they don't tell you is that you're going to kiss a lot of princes as well, but they're not going to be your prince. You find someone great, but that doesn't mean they're great for you." Anne then sensibly adds, "By the way, I am not the person to talk to about relationship advice."

It goes along with my current attitude towards dating and relationships- which is that right now I either want a) something very, very casual without commitment or b) someone to date because I feel strongly about them. My reasoning behind this is similar to what Anne said- just because you fall in love or have found a prince it doesn't mean that you'll end up happily ever after. Maybe it's because he's not your prince or maybe he isn't the best for you.

Some time ago, I read somewhere that someone said, "Just because you're a great girl and he's a great guy, doesn't mean that the two of you are great together or that he or she is great for you."

And at the end of the day, I wish for everyone to find his or her great guy or girl because everyone (most everyone) deserves to be happy and well, to love and be loved is one of the best things that exist in this world. Whether it be: a great guy for a great guy or a great girl for a great girl or a great guy for a great girl- whatever you want.

A Cautionary Tale of a One Night Stand

No one reads this blog and therefore I'm going to talk about my personal life.

Side Note/Fun Fact- I'm having a glass of Tempranillo wine- a gift from a dear friend- while I type this because it feels a little naughty and hell, I have a paid day off of work and it is early afternoon.

This past Monday I felt unusually antsy. In fact, I wanted to go out for the first time in weeks. So I picked up my beat up red Krazr phone and went through its contact list texting and calling a few friends. No one got back to me. Not about to give up my desire to go out, I decided to go to my favorite cozy bar in Cap Hill, 611 Supreme.

611 is one of my favorite bars and one that I only go to when it's Lauren time. I am not a regular but I think I might be memorable.

Anyway, on my way there I get a call from C and I meet up with her and some of her friends at 611. We're hanging out there before we head out to the Baltic Room for their reggae night. We dance, hang out, drink a bit more. One of C's friends of friends, J shows up and I'm on my way to drunk and we're dancing and flirting- practically making out on the uncrowded dance floor. I ask C what J is like and she says that he's nice and it would be no big deal if we hooked up or whatever. It's been a while for me, what the hell?

I ask him if he wants to come over and he says yes.

Little did I know what would happen next.

As we begin to hook up, I'll keep some of the juicy details to my close friends, he asks, "Do you have a condom? Do you have a condom?"

At this point in time, I'm not even to sex.

I say, "I think I do. Just a minute."

I scrounge one up from my roommate and I's emergency stash, I put it on him. I'm on top and he's inside of me, and he slips out. I mention him getting on top he says no and then blurts out (wait for it)-

"I had sex with someone who is HIV positive and I'm not sure if I am."

"What do you mean you don't know if I am?"

"I haven't gotten tested."

"WHY haven't you gotten tested?"

"Because I'm scared. I don't know if I have it."

"Did you use a condom?"

"Yes. I have to go. I'm worried about my car. I have to get up early."

"You can still stay, we don't have to do anything."

"No I have to leave. I can find my way out."

"Okay."

I pass out because well, I'm drunk. The following morning I'm at work attempting to actually work. I give up and spend the rest of the day calling clinics, doctors, and desperately trying to figure out what the hell to do because I might have let someone put their d*ck inside of me, who may or may not be HIV positive.

He freaked out and left so quickly that I didn't get information about how long it went on with this person. When it happened, who this person was, etc. Or anything.

I could be mad, frustrated, angry, upset and honestly- I freaked the f*ck out that afternoon but after talking to all the doctors and clincs it turns out that the likeliness of me contracting HIV would be one in 500 million or something like that. So, I don't have HIV but it is one hell of a lesson to be very, very careful with who you decide to sleep with.

A cautionary tale.

F-ing Economy

I am so sad right now.

Up until today, I felt secure about my job.

We had hired quite a few employees, sales were still coming through (although not nearly as much as we need), we were watching our budget, our board of directors still has our back.

Then I found out that my dear, smart, great, fantastic boss is being let go.

There will be more lay offs on Monday. The majority of the office doesn't know yet. Everyone will have a nice weekend only to come in and possibly be laid off. Our entire office culture/attitude/vibe will change. I'm praying that some of my friends aren't included in this round up/lay off. I am so nervous.

F-ing economy.

Hindsight is 20/20

I recently got dumped (which in the end, is a good thing) and I came across this article today, that I thought was worth blogging about.

Signs that He's Into You:

While my Ex did do this but. . .

He rarely mentions his ex. A guy who has no interest in making a fling the real thing will constantly bring up his ex ... in a good or bad light. However, if he leaves her where she belongs — in the past — save for a few necessary dating-history details, the path is clear for you.

towards the end, he definitely did not do this.

He sticks to his word. Guys are infamous for saying they'll call you tomorrow or take you to meet their buds ... and then conveniently forgetting all about it. So, if your new squeeze delivers on his word, it means he doesn't want to burn a bridge with you. In fact, he probably wants to build one.

His paws said long term but. . .

He touches you the right way. You don't need to be a body-language expert to know the difference between the hands-on attention of a guy looking for booty (think breast skim) and the sweet stud with commitment on his mind (think hair stroking). So, what are his paws doing?

I had no access. No key card for Lauren in Seattle.

He grants you access. A surefire sign that a man wants the bond to blossom? He doesn't shut you out when he's out of sorts. If he sucked at his ball game or had a crappy day at work, an emotionally invested babe will — mostly — let you be part of the ups and the downs.

But no relationship is without a learning curve, so on to the next.

Hindsight is Always 20/20.