Woot Woot! Def Not Preggers!

Of course, I finally decided to blog about the possibility that I could be preggers and the following Saturday I wake up at 6 am because I have the cramps from hell.

I ended up sitting on my toilet in my bathroom for the next hour and a half because it was the only comfortable position. My oh my hell these were painful. I used to never, ever have bad cramps until recently.

The pain was hellish but I was SURE glad that I am definitively not preggers!!!

Lesson learned- I have Plan B in my bathroom for a reason and next time I better use it just to clam my nerves. And now I'll definitively remember that I got my period on the 26th in September.

Woot! Woot!

Jo is on Twitter Now!

Thanks to The Leaky Cauldron HP fansite, I just found that JK Rowling (Jo to her fans and friends) has a twitter account!!!

Click here.

I love, love, love it :).

My Body Really Hates 2009

In regards to my body and my sexual health, I have been pretty lucky until this year.

Over the past year, there was the possibility of me sleeping with someone who possibly had HIV , then something I did not blog but constantly thought about blogging about- I had my every couple of months give or take STD/STI check up and found out that I had chlamydia. I freaked out and then got another call from Planned Parenthood (who I won't ever go to again after the run around I got) saying that I might have herpes. This scared me out of my f-cking mind because the herp is permanent. It's not crippling but permanent. Luckily, my fabu doctor at the UW Belltown clinic ran a western blot test (the ONLY 100% accurate test for herpes).

My doc was so fabu that she called me on her way out of the office to let me know that my test was negative for herp 2. I had herp 1 like 90% of the population (these are cold sores, etc.).

But the final reason why my body may or may not really hate 2009 is because I think I might be pregnant.

I had unprotected sex (he didn't come in but I know that doesn't necessarily mean sh-t) and I'm off of birth control (fabu doc's recommendation because my migraines were becoming more frequent) and my period hasn't come yet. It's been almost exactly four weeks since we had sex.

I am not really good at keep tracking of my period since I'm off bc and it's always been a bit wonky. The last time I remember having my period (I forget if it was my first day or last day of my cycle) was July 17th. I know I had it August but I can't remember when. I'm brilliant, I know.

Since at it is September 25th, I am starting to realize that I just might be pregnant. I am pro-choice and yes pro-abortion and that's what my decision would be. The big debate that I had with my roommate last night was- would I tell the guy?

I have a way to get a hold of him (we are facebook friends), so it's not like I can't tell him but he doesn't live here, we aren't keeping in touch but we have friends in common. What would you do?

Since I'm bored at work, I searched for "early pregnancy symptoms" and while I don't have any of them, I thought I would link to this list because symptom #16 is my favorite:

Early signs of pregnancy: #16

A Positive Pregnancy Test

On the other I found this list and it is very thorough. If you are looking for early symptoms, go there.

One thing I thought was interesting was that some of these signs are the same as I have when I am about to start my period- tender breasts, headaches, nausea. Interesting.

For the record, I really don't want to be pregnant, I don't necessarily think I am but I cannot deny the possibility.

This post is about the possibility.

When Having a Good Memory is Bad

I am cursed with remembering ex-boyfriends' birthdays. In general, I remember people's birthdays and unfortunately that extends to ex-boyfriends. Today is one of their birthdays. Since, he emailed recently I sent a quick note wishing him a happy birthday and hopes that he celebrates and has a wonderful day.

I did this because birthdays are special to me and I believe that they should be celebrated.

But I'm an idiot because I went to check his mom's facebook page out of general curiosity (we're friends) and then clicked on his current girlfriend's page (this is when I made an idiotic move). I had been wondering whether or not they are still together and lo and behold- her profile picture is of her among all of the girl friends in my ex's life. They are definitely still together.

And I am still alone.

Then I cried for a half minute.

The Blech to Not Gonna Do It Detox

So I just wrote not even, 4 hours ago that I was going to attempt the lemon/cayenne/syrup detox/cleanse but I can't choke down the mixture.

I have tried sipping every 1-2 hours and I'm supposed to drink approximately 3 quarts and well, hell that is NOT going to happen. The smell of the stuff makes me nauseated. The Detox is off.

I have a new found respect that Beyonce choked that shit down for 14 days. I do not have the stomach for this shit.

Lemon Cayenne Blech Cleanse

In an attempt to be healthier and to cleanse my body (not to mention drop a couple of pounds for a wedding this weekend), I decided to try the Lemon Cayenne Maple Syrup/Molasses Detox that Beyonce made popular.

When Beyonce had to lose 20 pounds for her role in Dreamgirls, she publicized how great this detox went for her.

Cheers for Beyonce and so far so no bueno for Lauren in Seattle.

After looking up the detox (directions can be found here and here), I decided to try the first step; which is a sea salt enema essentially- taken orally.

You add two teaspoons of uniodized sea salt to natural spring water, mix and drink a quart of it. Yeah, that didn't happen. I could barely finish an 1/8 of the mixture without my gag reflex kicking into gear. Like practically vomitting before I get a chance to swallow the whole mixture.

And Now, I am going to try to digest my first sip of- lemon, molasses (the grade B maple syrup at the expensive mini mart by my work was approx. $20, so I went with the diabetic substitute), without cayenne pepper (they didn't have it at the store) and natural spring water- as I type . . .

Well, my gag reflex didn't pop up but it's not delicious. I'm not sure if I'll make it through one day.